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So a while back I got a really bad tarot reading. Not bad like innacurate or laughable, but bad as in not an optimistic outlook. I took this with a grain of salt and was like "You know, it is an outlook and a guide to see where you could be, but shouldn't be taken completely seriously." Which was exceedingly difficult because the cards reflecting my past were "dead on balls accurate". Well then my world went on quite the rollercoaster. I ended up, without even thinking about the cards, fulfilling my prophecy. Some Oedipus Teiresias shit seriously. I committed some stupid, and equally crazy acts and everything just went all janky. But, I refuse to be anything but optimistic in the matter because in the grand scheme of things, I am still extremely lucky and blessed by my gifts and people around me. But here's the weird thing. I was not brought up in a religious background. Spiritual yes, but not religiuos. My mother refers to herself as a recovering catholic if that's any indication. We prayed before meals occasionally, but that was about it. But I have been feeling lately what I think is Catholic guilt. I have heard this phrase before but I am not entirely sure what it entails. I have been feeling like, although things are not too grand right now, I should be doing something to deserve all the wonderful things I have in my life. I don't want to be a leech on whatever type of world this is, and although I do help my friends and loved ones, and I do whatever I can for them, I do feel like I lead a pretty selfish existence. So I am unsure of what to do with myself as of right now. Can Catholic guilt seep into a generation that knows nothing of its dogma? Who knows.
At any rate, I am doing my best to work through certain issues of the wallet, spirit, conscience, and heart, and I am not doing too poorly at all I don't think. So I will go to bed with a smile on my face this evening and I hope the same for the rest of you. Sleep well babes!