What to do

Oh blogspot.
I have found you are utterly useless in a way. As I appreciate you publishing my thoughts for the enjoyment/entertainment/enlightenment of others, I can never really delve into the depths of how I am really feeling. My joy and my sadness will never really be completely tapped because I can't name names or events, for the fear of being too incriminating. I thought of using code names but that could also prove futile because I am not known for being subtle, and I think I would be found out just the same. Yet I will still use you to the best of my ability. I am not judging you Bloggie (do you mind if I call you Bloggie?) I just can never use you to your fullest potential and that is sad. But at any rate here goes another.

My father has said to me time and again that I can never expect out of others the same treatment that I bestow, because I will always be disappointed. I have been reluctant to adopt this philosophy, because it is not very optimistic and disheartening as well. But I am finding it truer and truer, and this is very sad to me. I have felt lately that I have lost my sense of magic and wonder, which has NEVER been a problem for me, as I like to think of myself as the oldest three year old in the known world. Call me conceited. :0) But as I am becoming more and more disappointed with some of the people around me, I can't help but think Pop is right. And if he is, that means that I would be a fool to become so close to anyone around me that I may start expecting them to treat me the same way I treat them. But then...the plot thickens. I start to question how I treat others around me. Perhaps I am delusional. I see myself as pretty darn friendly and glad to see and spend time with my friends and peers, but then I become focused on occurrences where I may have said or done something that would contradict that. And then I start obsessing on the fact that maybe those occurrences are not as few and far between as I think they are. Therefore, perhaps I am being treated the way I treat people, which I would really hate to think, because I really feel like I am being treated pretty crappy lately. Then I think I am a bi-polar hopeless neurotic with way too big of a vocabulary. Maybe that is the closest thing to reality. Maybe I am just a little too sad right now.